I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish I only lived at night.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
