im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
