it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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