I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
