I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize