i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize