as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You made out with two different species that night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
