Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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