I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
