i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize