Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
