Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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