bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
