so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
