I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
