You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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