I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
