I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
