You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
