Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
