His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize