god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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