i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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