I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
