great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
