He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
