Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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