she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
