apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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