Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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