Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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