Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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