she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
