Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
