Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
