3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
