shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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