Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
