Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
