The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
