Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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