It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
