He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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