That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
