WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize