I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I forget how to act sober
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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