last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
