Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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