You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
