I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
