The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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