I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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