Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
