This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
