so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
