If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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