I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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