We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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