We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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