I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
