she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
