Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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