If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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