Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize