We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
