this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
