I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
