Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
