What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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