shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
