At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
