Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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