Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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