the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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