Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
