yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
