I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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