im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
