Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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