Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
