never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
